I saw a post once that said, “Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.”
So, here I am, being brave.
A few years ago I went through the hardest time of my life; a divorce. Now, that’s another story for another day, but I needed to address that in order for you to understand where I was at in life.
In my early twenties, I began to sow some bad seeds. I started trying to fit into the wrong crowd and began making some bad choices. Those bad choices led to bad decisions and bad decisions became bad lifestyle habits. You know the saying, “You are who you hang around?” For me, that couldn’t be more true. I always thought I was born to be a leader, but soon found I can certainly be a follower when I’m desperate to fit in.
My entire life all I had dreamed of was to one day be a wife and a mother. Out of desperation for that life I got married. However, being young and naive, I never dealt with the bad seeds I had sown prior to being married. I continued making bad choices while trying to be a good wife.
Over time, I became a person that I did not like. I was a person that my husband at the time did not like. I wasn’t the woman I had always dreamed I would be. And in the end, I lost everything as I knew it. I lost my marriage, my friends, I lost respect.
If you’re reading this and do not believe in a God that restores, then my story cannot help you. But I’m here to tell you that our God CAN give restoration and it does not come by following religion. It’s about relationship with Jesus; a relationship I had stepped away from for far too long. Rededicating my life to Christ was my first step to restoration and healing.
Matthew 16:24-26 says, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?”
Read that again and let it soak in.
So, Where did I start?
Well, I had to look in the mirror. I did not like the person I saw and that was no ones fault but my own. I was not a victim here. I decided right then and there that I was going to pray for crop failure on all the bad seeds I had sown in my life and work on planting new seeds.
“Lord, I am working on being the best version of myself. I know that it starts with giving everything to you…. all my junk, all my insecurities, all my bad habits.
So, Lord, I give you everything, my whole heart.
I want to be the daughter that you created, the best version of her that you have. I begin a journey now to pull out the weeds that I have let grow in my heart and in my life. Lord, I pray for crop failure on all the junk I have allowed in, the lies that I have told myself and the bad habits I have developed. As I begin to plant new seeds, water and nourish them. Help me become better. Help me become what you have called me to be in its entirety. Amen.”
I wrote it down, I spoke it out loud and I truly meant it.
Then, I wrote down everything I desired to be more of:
Speaking of vulnerability, I am going to step out and share some of the things I prayed crop failure on. I feel like I am not the only one that has struggled with these things and I want whoever is reading this to know that God can heal any broken part of your life if you let him.
“Lord, take away any seeds of anger that I have allowed in my heart. Help me to be more soft spoken and kind. Help me to not lose my temper so fast.”
“Lord, help me be a more positive person. Teach me to speak positively over myself, my friends and my job. I will no longer claim negative thoughts or words.”
“I am healed. No more claiming sickness in any area of my life. I am physically and emotionally healed. Depression, anxiety, sickness and addiction has to bow to the name of Jesus.”
“But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our PEACE was upon Him,
And by His stripes we ARE healed.”
“Lord, let your words be sealed into my heart. I want to always know your voice. Amen.”
I wrote all this down on August 21st, 2017. Since then, I have remarried and we just welcomed our first daughter in June. My life has completely changed and I’ve never been happier. Even though I am still a work in progress I know that it started with this. I know it started with me owning my baggage, looking in the mirror and saying enough is enough. Taking ownership of our failures and refusing to play the victim is how change begins. Relationship with the Father is how growth happens and refusing to believe the lies from the enemy is how we win.
It’s time we know our Creator on a deeper level. Stop believing the lies that say you are depressed, that you have gone too far, that you are not important. Pray for crop failure on your negative thoughts and plant seeds of Hope. It takes action and it takes work. But, man, it is worth it!